Monday, November 28, 2011

Breaking Bones...err...Breaking Dawn

What do two English teachers do on their first day of Thanksgiving vacation?

See Breaking Dawn, of course!

I went with my coworker and let's just say the movie was..uhm....about as good as I expected it to be.

Which wasn't that good.

I saw the first one in the theater and wanted to see this one on the big screen too, because come on, who doesn't want to see that vampire baby born in mega-size.

I quickly learned after watching that scene....me.

Really....did we need to have the surround sound of Bella's bones breaking? No really. That was MESSED UP! Cringe worthy, throw-up, sick.

And apparently Edward eats through the placenta to get the baby out.

Yeah, I didn't know that because I didn't see it. I was too busy sitting with my hands over my eyes cringing from Bella's stomach being ripped open and bones cracking like twigs in a fire.

Gah!

Also...I thought the first half was slooooooooow....I kept wanting things to move faster, or at least for Bella to talk. Stop biting your lip, girl!

Oh, and did I mention the bones crack o'lacking?

My coworker said her daughter had nightmares after seeing it. I told her it might have been because of the gruesome pile-up of dead bodies at the start of the movie. Nothing like the entire wedding party and guests in white...then adorned with red blood dripping down the mountain of corpses. Delightful.

And don't forget Bella's bones snapping left and right!

I was also equally creeped out by Jacob imprinting on Renesme. Really. Creepy. My students tried to tell me that it wasn't romantic, he was imprinting in a big brother way. No. It. Was. Creepy.

But at least we got to see a shirtless Jacob within the first 30 seconds of the movie. I'm joking, folks.

The soundtrack actually seemed like it might be decent. Maybe I should pick buy it, turn it up and try to drown out the memories of the breaking bones.

ARGH!

Did you see it? What did you think????

13 comments:

Michael Offutt, Expert Critic said...

The reason to see any of these movies is the soft-core pornography put on display on the silver screen. It's a safe way to indulge the taboo.

If you aren't into that, then the movie and the story holds nothing.

Rida said...

Breaking bones? Ripping a placenta? ON-SCREEN?

Um, I'm glad I decided to skip going to the theatre to watch this.

E.R. King said...

I'm not big into the movies either. I've learned not to spend the money on seeing them in the theater. I'll Netflix it.

Kristan said...

Haha. I can understand your reaction, but for whatever it's worth, fans (and even a few non-fans) are saying this is one of the better films. I haven't seen it for myself yet, but you're the first I've heard whose really hated it (well, who didn't hate the series going in).

I'll probably see this in theater with girlfriends, and I'm looking forward to it, but yes, there is much of The Crazy regarding the baby. In fact, reading about it in the book made me faint, so I'm glad you prepped me with some of the details. I plan to cringe into the shoulder of whoever's sitting next to me!

Eileen Wiedbrauk said...

totally should have gone to see the Muppets. I laughed, I cried, I laughed some more.

ladonna watkins said...

I think I'll wait to watch it when it comes on HBO. I've seen the movies, but I've never read the books.

Thanks for sharing.

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Um, this is why I am not going to see this. I did read the books, to keep up with the phenom, but I always was creeped out by the bone breaking martyrdom and the inappropriate imprinting. Ick.

What I can't wait to see is The Hunger Games.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

The trailer bored me to tears, and I thought: If this is the best of it, then why bother?

Bones cracking? Placenta eating? Jacob imprinting?

Blech.

Becca Christiansen said...

I saw it. It's very, very crappy. But that's why I wanted to see it. I wanted to see how it would be possible to put such a monstrous, plotless, piece of crap book as Breaking Dawn on screen and make it watchable. And guess what, it wasn't watchable.

Although... I confess the last ten minutes weren't bad. All the body-healing and vampirification of Bella was visually awesome, at least. But that doesn't make up for the slow-as-molasses beginning.

Roxie said...

The book was twisted enough, thanks. Don't want to see that wide screen and hear it in Surround Sound

Kathleen said...

I'm about to admit something... I actually liked it;) It definitely was the best one so far, and no, they are not great movies. I don't go in expecting a good movie though. So when it's absolutely horrible, I'm not surprised, and if I like it, I'm pleasantly surprised.
Don't worry about the birth scene though... People are having seizures because of it! Check it out here:
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/breaking-dawn-twilight-seizures-266320

Carol Riggs said...

I enjoyed it, actually, though yes, the first half WAS very slow moving, and the placenta-chewing was totally gross. Hmm, I didn't know the bones were cracking. Completely oblivious...LOL

Sophia Chang said...

Wait wait wait. You never read the books?!? :0

I spent much of the film laughing, which really pissed off the leader of the LA Twilight Lovers Group I belong to.

(oh and you should've joined NaNoRevMo w/ me!)