Friday, April 30, 2010

You're Invited To A Blog Fest

Lilah Piece is hosting a blog fest tomorrow on her blog. She's featuring last lines. In her own words, she states, "pull out your favorite ending, and post it to your blog on May 1st. Entries do not have to be last lines only, it is understandable that a build-up may be necessary. I'd say that the previous 25 lines would be a reasonable length. It also does not matter if the last line is for a scene, chapter, or book, just as long as you wrote it."

She has 42 people lined up for it and you can read all their last lines by visiting her blog tomorrow. I'm cheating a bit and posting my ending today.

I'm sharing a piece that I cut out of Canary. I like to give my deleted scenes a new life somewhere!

It's from the start of the book after Kate's dad tells her and her brother that they will be transferring to Beacon (the prep school where he coaches basketball). Kate's brother, Brett, throws a fit and the conversation is left unfinished as Kate's dad goes after her brother. Kate reflects on the conversation with her dad.

Dad never asked me how I felt about changing schools.
Maybe he was afraid I would feel the same way Brett did.

I would have told him he didn’t have to convince me, I would have quickly agreed.

My old school was where I went when Mom got sick, the place where I sat and wondered what was going to happen to her.

It was the place I did work with results I no longer cared about, focused only on the results of Mom’s tests.

The halls of that school held friends who pretended nothing had happened, because I guess it was easier than talking to me about what did.

While Brett fought to stay at his old school, to stay, I was ready to run forward.

If Dad would have asked me how I felt about going to the new school,
I would have told him that he didn’t even need to ask.

In a life where nothing seemed to be right anymore, leaving was the first thing that did seem right.


Cool Bonus: If you read this blog today (Friday), that means there is still time for you (yes, you!) to be a part of the blog fest. Why not? If you are, let me know in my comments so I can read your ending!

16 comments:

Matthew Rush said...

Great scene and great ending Rachele, thanks for sharing. Too bad I suppose that scene had to be cut, but you obviously know what you're doing.

I will go check out the blog fest.

Today's guest blogger is The Alliterative Allomorph!

Kristan said...

Aww, poor kid. I can tell she's tough, though, and I like that.

I don't think I'm going to participate this time around, but I love this idea and definitely want to hook up with a blog fest in the future!

Talli Roland said...

Thanks for the heads-up. I really enjoyed your scene - I wanted to read more!

Have a great weekend.

Angie Paxton said...

Thanks for letting me know about this contest. Sounds fun! I enjoyed your entry. Good luck.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

I felt for your heroine. You made me root for her -- a real talent. I, too, cheated {I am a harried blood courier, and I had to.} Come by and read mine and tell me what you think, Roland

India Drummond said...

I enjoyed reading your scene. I also like the idea of the blog-fest... will be checking it out! Hope there's more in future.

Lynn said...

Nice. I really enjoyed this scene, setting up for the changes to occur. It reads really well. And the last line for the scene is great.

Elaine AM Smith said...

I really felt for your main protag - even without knowing what the problem was I felt for her.
There is a little repetition - tightening up on that an the thing would sing - a sad song - but loud and clear.

bryan sabol said...

There's definitely some good introspection going on. My only speedbump was the repetition of "old school/new school, especially in the short paragraph "While Brett fought to stay at his old school, to stay away from the new school, I was ready to run from my old school to my new school."

I also like the voice. Very authentic YA.

Susan Fields said...

I like your mc already - she sounds like someone I could spend some time with. And a great last line, too!

Rachele Alpine said...

Thanks for all the great comments, everyone! I'm glad this deleted scene is getting to be read!

Lilah Pierce said...

That was a superb last line! So smooth, short and simple, but still has an impact! Great job, and thanks for participating!

Raquel Byrnes said...

Oh, that was really touching. That poor kid, tough for her dad, and at a point where she feels like running...great post.

Terresa said...

I'm new to your blog here. Just read your side bar/profile...Love that you're an MFA student (I'm so jealous! I have a MLIS, but would love an MFA, too!).

I'm also new to blog fests. They sound like fun; maybe I'll jump in & participate in the next one.

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

AW, so why did you have to remove this from your ms? What was the reasoning behind it?

Rachele Alpine said...

I removed it because the book is part blog entries and part narrative. My agent felt like I had too many blog entries in the same area of the book, so I cut this down and write it as part of the narrative in less descriptive, lyric way.

It's still in there kind of, just not the same way!

Terresa...I love my MFA program, but I'm taking it slow. I also work full time and have a MEd in English, so this is something I'm not rushing through. I love it because I'm surrounded by other writers and get so much creative inspiration